Life's not just about the Hahahas. Sometimes, i'm just really tired. As camp draws near, i know i have to get right with God. Life is really tiring. And it really drags you down. That's why through this camp, may i not only be a blessing to others, but be very much blessed as well.
I'm really tired of being happy and active all the time. Hahaha. People always wondered where did i get the energy from. I'll tell you where. By turning all the negative energy into positive one. Why? Because i don't like people being worried about me. I don't want people to be concerned and all bothered about for me. I'm a people pleaser. I like people around me to be happy. So i don't mind being all really high and funny and all. But seriously, don't judge me just because i'm active. Just because i always have a smile. Just because i crap and i talk nonsense and laugh. Don't judge me. You don't really know me. I hate it when people say i'm a bimbo. I'm not a bimbo. I probably have more brains than you'll ever have if you had two lives. A bimbo doesn't think. And i think a lot. I just don't say it. I mean, what's the point right? Only people who see me as who i truly am, appreciate my value. If i was just a random bimbo, i wouldn't be a leader would i? God's given me the ability to lead and i thank Him for it. It's not easy being a leader. And sometimes i'm really tired of leading all the time. Like my class chalet. Since when did i say i'll plan the class chalet? Never. I didn't say anything. And suddenly people were asking me about it, asking me to make decisions about it. But i don't want to plan. I'm tired of it already. And now, throw everything to me to handle. So what if i'm in the EXCO of the damned Student Council? Does that mean i have to plan everything? And when something goes wrong or not according to you people's wishes, the chalet would suck? And it'll be my fault? I hate that. Really. That's why i don't exactly enjoy planning something that i'm completely unprepared for. So fine. Dump everything to me to handle. Thanks a lot.
I bottle up all my unhappiness. Because i see no point in expressing them. But i'm not always happy-go-lucky. I will burst eventually. I'm not a bottomless pit and i'm not such an unfeeling soul who has only one feeling of happiness. I do get upset, i do cry in the shower alone and wonder why do i pretend to be happy when i'm not. Because that's just the way i am. I can't change it. Because if i do, people will go all, ARE YOU OKAY ARE YOU OKAY? I don't want that. I don't like people getting worried about it. I'm fine the way i am. I'm not depressed or anything. I just, want to express how i feel sometimes. Apart from hiding everything sometimes.
Smiling takes up lesser muscles than frowning. Besides, most of the time, people really do think i'm fine. Isn't that the whole point? LOL. I'm really fine. Majority of the time anyway. Damn i have a headache now.
